They played with the idea of having a romantic spouse, then played the idea of a marriage without looking beyond physical attributes. All those time they spent dreaming as they look at each other with clouds in their eyes. Now, they played with the idea of divorce. Never ever have I dreamt that this would happen one day…
Sometimes you just feel doomed when your social level is so low. Sometimes you just want to work and not bother about politics and socialization. Sometimes when we really want to talk, miscommunication happens because we don’t know how to talk. In the end, we choose to remain silent and the whole cycle repeats.
I saw this at my void deck and just have to snap it down haha
Why am I so unhappy…is it so difficult and utterly wrong to ask for a small thing? Is it so frustrating for you when I tell you that that my domain is expiring and I need to pay the fees while you are just simply watching a youtube video? Is it a taboo that I share with you my thoughts? If sharing with you about what I have in mind will cause me to be accused of being unfilial then I will forever shut my mouth. If asking for only a small thing will cause you to blow your temper, I will never ask for anything again. If I can’t share with you about my thoughts nor ask you for things, how much are you as a parent?
If leaving this house when I grow up, as you said, makes you happy, I will. Life is so depressing when you are constantly being denied especially in your own family. Sometimes, I feel like I really don’t have anything even though I’m properly dressed, have a home and some money in my purse. Even as I type this entry, my eyes are overflowing with tears when I think about what happened. I cried not because I’m scared or guilty. I cried because I’m angry and heartbroken.
The years of cold war finally broke only to come biting at me again today. Now you are going to look at me disappointed and wondering about this God of mine. I’ve let down 3 people today, including God.
You, artists are to make a difference. You are to free people and make them think critically with your works. Don’t create another Pixar work, create something from your own perspective.
It’s a little funny how you could be strong and confident of your beliefs and the next day, life challenges you of your principles. Suddenly, you begin to doubt and come crumbling down. It’s very funny that you can have so many things on your mind but when it comes to talking about it, you could not translate all those thoughts into words or suddenly it loses all it’s impact once spoken.
The inability to communicate verbally well is a slow process torture. People might misunderstand you and not being able to express oneself might mean all the discomfort gets bottled up inside and sooner or later, one might explode as it is like planting a time bomb onto oneself.
The heavy air of awkwardness and annoyance embodying the both of us. The supper would have been perfect if not for that embodiment. I am willing to forgive your cruel humiliation and insults but it takes two hands to clap.
I’ve been thinking about fear lately and I’ve been thinking how it has affected my performance so much in the past…with fear comes pressure and stress, which have the power to paralyze me so badly that I couldn’t think straight anymore. It wavers my confidence and slowly causing me to crumble like uno stako. It falls when we don’t handle it well and when the base is weak. Likewise, the only reason that cause one to crumble is because the foundation of the person isn’t right. The way he/she handles themselves in a situation isn’t right. Often, we forget who we are supposed to be in God’s eyes and the infinite power He has to help us. Fear, like a big chunk of mass stuck in a water pipe, can blind and restrict the potential in us from flowing out. If only I was able to keep myself coolheaded and not be irrational, I won’t have made so many regrets. However, it isn’t all a loss. All those negative experiences certainly made me grow a lot and I am thankful that God chose not to intervene then…otherwise I would still be that very inexperience and naive person who does things very rashly.
As I am typing this entry, I am suddenly prompted to find a verse about confidence and this verse stood out more to me compared to the rest. “For God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control.” 2Timothy 1:7
This verse reminds me that as believers, we are the vessels of God, which also cause me to remember an event.
Last saturday night was an eye opener. Mom suddenly fell really sick out of the blue. I’ve never seen her so weak and helpless. A really bad migraine hit her and she seemed like she was fading in and out of consciousness. She could hardly talk except sitting slouchily on the kitchen chair, one hand pressing the stomach and the other on her head, as she moaned in pain. She was too weak to even walk. “God help her” I thought to myself. All I could do was to call my dad to bring her to a doctor, which he refused thinking it was just a normal stomach pain as I searched for the ointment my mom asked for.
About 15mins later, she finally gathered enough energy to walk to bed and lie on her stomach. I knew I had to pray for her. I knew I had to be the one to start applying what I’ve just learnt from the sermon, bringing God’s presence to the people around us and start using the authority God has given to us Christians. Growing up in a conservative family has caused me to feel awkward to show outward love but still I garnered my courage and just pray for my mom. I had to push my conservative siblings to do the same too, not because I am pushy but I know they just needed someone to initiate them to do so. Thank God, my mom said the pain was reduced to mild discomfort after praying twice. It was further confirmed that she was feeling a whole lot better when she could finally grumble like her usual self to us about the entire incident from beginning to end, then rinse and repeat. God I love you so much for being God.
There’s this thing about Facebook that makes people not talk anymore…they just “like”.
Wow…I had my first lighting and rendering class yesterday, 7.30pm to 10.30pm, 7.5hours after my morning class ends. Yes! No typo. PM! But it is worth it I guess because not only is the lecturer from LucasFilm, he speaks CLEARLY and he explains well. Though I’m taking the same module as I took in poly days, I feel like I learnt a lot more and some of the stuff that was taught in this current class are new. While on the topic of the old module that I am taking, why not talk about the new one, say Film Literature:Fictions of Love? This module is of course my seventh choice out of the ten that I am fortunately taking. Well, it isn’t so bad when every monday evening becomes a movie day. As much as it’s relatively fun, the text is anything but fun yet interesting if I managed to grasp the meaning of it. I might become a love guru after this semester.
Oh and before I end of, last week, the first day of school was the most memorable ever. Every first days, we have to introduce ourselves. What I am about to share soon happens like a scene in a comedy. The girl stood up from behind, previously obscured by a row of computers and everything feels like it’s in slow motion as my mental camera zooms closer to her and a dramatic music plays in my mind. She smiled and waved cheekily and laughed in between her sentences “Hi my name is kc.” Coincidence huh? At least finally I have someone that I know in class. No bad intentions intended it’s just that at that moment, uncontrollably, the camera thing just happened for some reason. She’s a nice person though :)
